Cats are Republicans, Dogs are Democrats

Link to this post 01 Mar 12

I know it may be upsetting for many of you to discover the animal you
cherish is of the opposite political party.

When cats are born, they believe they are in a state of liberty, and from
then on they are determined to keep it that way. No one tells them what to
do. They don't believe it takes a village, because they know they might have
to take instructions from the village idiot in the local government.

And, sorry if you've got one and you're a Republican - but dogs are liberal
Democrats. Some are possibly Socialists, though probably none will ever
admit it.

Dogs are communal by nature. They run in packs. They dream of their days as
wolves, sharing responsibilities.

Sure there's a pecking order - an alpha, a beta and a zeta. It's only humans
who pretend that egalitarianism levels the playing field entirely.

Unfortunately, this instinct to subvert their personal welfare to the good
of the whole also makes dogs easy to control. Big brother, in the form of
their human masters, creates laws and executive orders that dogs slavishly
abide.

Canines want rules and regulations to follow. If you could teach them to
read and talk, they'd be carrying Mao's Little Red Book and citing its
verses.

They show little initiative. A dog is not particularly entrepreneurial and
would never start a small business. If he did, he'd let you tax it at
confiscatory rates - as long as you gave him a treat.

The best you can do with a dog is train him to work on an assembly line,
doing the same trick, time after time. He's a natural proletarian, waiting
for his union card to come through.

Dogs will also happily take a government job.

Dogs were very excited when President George W. Bush created the Department
of Homeland Security. They were more than ready to sniff for bombs or
protect secure government sites, that sort of thing. One even signed up for
the raid that took out Bin Laden.

But dogs also want to save the world generally. They're bleeding heart
liberals.

Some, you may have noticed, are community organizers, herding sheep and
other creatures of the field into groups for the betterment of their
welfare.

Many dogs eagerly sign up each year for government programs to assist the
blind. And who ever heard of a cat running into burning building to save
their owner?

Which brings us back to cats.

Have you ever tried to get a cat to do something? Anything at all? Out of
pure principle, they will reject your command - even if they know full well
it will benefit them.

Because above all else, above even their personal welfare, cats value
freedom.

How else to explain that cats will spend all day looking out the window, but
then if you put a leash on them to take them out, they'll drop to the floor
and scowl at you as if you were worst thing possible -perhaps an auditor
from the Internal Revenue Service.

While we're on the topic, cats would never pay taxes. Taxes are for suckers,
they'd tell you.

But put a leash on the dog, and he'll happily trot out the door and go
wherever you take him.

This is really why cats hiss at dogs - not because dogs chase them.

My cats watch me endlessly throwing a tennis ball for my border collie -
supposedly the smartest dog - and sneer with contempt. Such mindless
obedience to a task. Such desperation to please. Disgusting.

Unlike dogs, cats have not had the ability to hunt bred out of them. I mean
dogs can hunt, but only to chase their prey up a tree.

Cats finish the job. They are natural proponents of the Second Amendment. If
they could get their paws around a trigger, they'd shoot to kill. Dogs are
born skeet shooters - fishermen who throw their catch back in the lake.

What's more, cats would gladly enforce the death penalty. Particularly for
dogs.

Cats favor a foreign policy that is so assertive they sometimes need to be
declawed. Dogs run together in a U.N.-style "dog park," where they willingly
submit to an overseeing body of owners whom they charge with keeping the
peace.

But cats are to the left of dogs when it comes to the environment. Just
watch how they carefully cover up their business in their sandboxes, keeping
everything fresh and nice. Dogs will - how shall we say - pollute right in
your front lawn.

This doesn't make dogs Republicans or cats Democrats. It just means that
sometimes they can see the other side's point.

Which of course makes them each wiser than their elected representatives in
Washington.


Link to this post 16 Mar 12

I'm actually starting to worry that Rick Santorum is going to get the nomination. I really have to write in Kinky Friedman if that happens. I can't vote for Obama and I certainly can't vote for the Santorum loon. Why oh why did McCain have to think with his dick and blow his chance at the Presidency?

Link to this post 21 Mar 12

When Palin was first introduced and opened her mouth I knew the election was blown. Great movie on HBO showing how the campaign advisers couldn't control her. She went rogue coming out of the gate.

Link to this post 22 Mar 12

She went rogue coming out of the gate.

And McCain just wanted her to go commando.

Link to this post 11 Aug 12

Apparently Romney has decided Obama can do better job than Mitt could himself because he's just committed political suicide. Not even independents are going to let Ryan get that close to the White House. Jon Huntsman would have been excellent but Ryan was just about as stupid a choice as Palin. McCain at least had the excuse he was led by his dick, let's hope Romney isn't doing the same.

Link to this post 11 Aug 12

ROFL So true! I hope it your wrong - but I think Romney himself was a fucked up choice. Lets hope that Romney can outspend obama and basically buy the election.

Link to this post 24 Apr 14

I encourage my cat to be a republican. In fact I think I am going to register Char's dogs as republicans too. Hey if Obama and the democrats can go to the ghetto and register fucking monkeys as democrats, cats and dogs should be republican voters. LOL

Link to this post 09 Jul 14

My current read is Sons of Wichita, about the Koch brothers and the rest of their family. It isn't really leterature -- more like politics. So far I'm only past the entry of Frederick Koch Sr. into the oil business and his lifelong hatred of Communism, which seems to stem from a nasty little Bolshevik 'minder' he was assigned on a trip the the Soviet Union in 1930. The country was a miserable shithole at the time, and the comments were on the order of, "We will infiltrate your country and make you like us."

I'm on the chapter about the founding of the John Birch Society, and I learned that I went to prep school with the grandsons of one of the founders.

Link to this post 10 Jul 14

Couple more chapters in. How about that -- you know that game
Six Degrees of Separation? Where you connect yourself to someone via people you've met who've met other people and so on? I have only three degrees between me and Charles Koch, and that's not from wiping my butt on Angel Soft. When Charles Koch turned Libertarian in the 1960s, William Grede, one of the founders of the John Birch Society, was sent to the then young Charles Koch to bring him back into the John Birch fold. I went to prep school with two of William Grede's grandsons and knew them pretty well.

There's an older Koch brother, Fred, who is the black sheep of the family for being artistic. He restores historical properties, which I find a worthwhile endeavor, but evidently his father didn't.

Link to this post 04 Aug 14

I'm starting to be annoyed by the constant stream of emails from the DNCC mostly asking for money, but sometimes just to show my ongoing support so they can continue to ask me for money.

I did send donations during the Wisconsin Recall and a few to specific Democratic candidated in my state during the 2012 election, but after the DNCC pulled its support during the recall and left us twisting in the winds, and that includes the President who promised he'd be there walking the line with us, I vowed to support only individual candidates and never the party again.

Now they wasn't me to sign the President's birthday card. I mean him well, but he's turned out to be a major disappointment. I'm paying my taxes, I'm obeying the laws, mostly. That's all he's gonna get out of me.

Next Democratic candidate will probably have my vote, but I'm not certain about contributing to the war-chest.

Link to this post 07 Aug 14

ROFL I wouldn't donate the sweat off my balls to the democratic party. I would like to see the next republican take over and declare the democratic party a terrorist organization, and to effectively outlaw it... :D

Link to this post 04 Sep 14

Oh great! I just got an email from Nancy Pelosi asking me to sign a pledge that I will vote in the upcoming midterm election. I have never missed a fall election in my entire voting history, and I've voted in all but one primary. Even some spring elections when it's just for dog-catcher.

However, I'm inclined to write her back and say, hell no, I'm not signing any pledge so they can hit me up for more money. The National Democratic party left Wisconsin twisting in the wind during our recall, and their support in 2012 was lackluster because we weren't a swing state.

Wild horses couldn't keep me away from voting in our gubernatorial race, though.

Link to this post 29 Sep 14

And now, I seem to be getting emails from everybody in DC -- the President, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi,James fucking Carville, even, telling me my support is critical for their bid to take back Congress. This is what happens when you make a political donation to the Dems. And dare I say that Obama's 'internet savvy' fund-raising tactics are starting to backfire on me?

I went so far as to write back to Nancy Pelosi, telling her that after the DNC's lackluster support during the Recall campaign and election for Scott Walker two years ago, I was done contributing to the party or any general fund at the national level. I would support individual candidates in my own state, vote, and that was it. And still I'm bombarded.

The robo-calls are starting too, but since I live in a mostly GOP area, those are less of a problem. It runs about 10/1 GOP/Dem.

I did make a donation at the state level, because our gubernatorial election is going to be hot, hot, hot, and the two candidates are running neck and neck in the polls.

Link to this post 04 Nov 14

I voted. It's two in the afternoon, and the fucking DCC is still emailing me for more money. How long will this go on? At least the attack ads will stop.

Link to this post 10 Mar 15

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/10/hillary-clinton-emails_n_6830648.html

Oh really? She thought it would be easier to use one single email address for both government business and her private emails about Chelsea's wedding and then have to sift through the various replies -- the color of the altar flowers along with the details of what happened at Benghazi? This does not pass the smell test. I can understand about not wanting to carry two devices, but using the same email address for everything? Even I separate bill-paying accounts from personal correspondence.

Or how hard is it to do your personal emailing when you go home for the night? Hmm?

Link to this post 10 Mar 15

I found the whole press conference a waste of time, in the end she just thinks people should just trust what she is saying and move on...WRONG!

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